Sunrise, we discussed this at length and she said its a fine line she walks as she has to try to determine if the symptoms are under control enough while still validating the pain I try to articulate. She said I am the best monitor of my symptoms and i need to be more clear with myself and her on "how" i am doing.

She admitted needing to show me more "nurturing" as I feel invalidated much by her and that is not her intention. She apologized for that and said it gets tough to have a "wise-mind" balance with her rationality and emotions with me. She thinks she may need to show me more of how I affect her.....but typically she keeps this kind of response under wraps as she needs to be able to have a rational input and be able to balance that as I cannot. She knows my boundaries are askew and she treads a bit lightly I think. She seemed more 'powerful' or confident, almost to the tip of a bit more stern with me this time like she needs to impose on my boundaries a bit for me to evolve. I think she's trying to still feel out my comfort zone.

That said she does want to go to the core issues with me, but reminds me that she's not a mind reader and that I need to take more "control" of where we go. I told her I hated that and I wished for her to take control and dig for my secrets. She said she would not take control....but could help me in tip toeing back into the past. She also said she knows there are things we haven't touched on and she knows more than I realize and she has it noted that we need to go there and will go there when she "feels" it. I guess, I needed (need) to trust her and not try so hard.

She used some wonderful analogies that were heartwarming and made me feel really cared for and that helped quite a bit. She also said the ruminations need to be more at bay before we go into more details. When ruminating i cannot deal with the reliving the traumas. I know she talks with pdoc abou this stuff...

Yea, we are growing (by major leaps and bounds) and our relationship is like a weird courtship......reaching out for one another, being careful and it's all very exciting. It's in a vulnerable and scary place right now so that is both exciting and nerve wracking, but overall I think it means we aren't against that wall anymore and we will keep on together...

Hey Smilie, you are so right about this. And it does feel good. She doesn't want to be "seen" as a mother transference figure with me but is trying to get through to me that she cares very much about me. She nurtures, in little itty bitty ways......she realizes my boundaries are weak but told me with great confidence that hers are firmly in place and so i can let the guard down a bit......I'm liking this nurturing tho and it makes me feel shameful (blush).