Is it coming out of the comfortable numbness that scares you or the lack of feeling something, even if it's bad? I feel like the best I can hope for is not caring that I don't care and that I'm a bad person a lot of the time. So when I realise I've not been beating myself up enough I start feeling guilty. At least I can forgive myself when feeling really bad as I know I've punished myself enough for my wrongs. You've just got to remember that being horrible to yourself doesn't help anyone. Being good to yourself might not come naturally but if you can't do it for you, do it for everyone else.