Okay so lately I have been very depressed and anxious for multiple reasons.

First, I decided to lose my virginity just because I was 18 and I hadn't and I felt like I was missing out so I did with my boyfriend who I did not love. which was miserable and I regret it.
Then my best friend of four years found out about that and will no longer speak to me. This is the most depressing of all because I hate losing people and am always afraid of it but she was the person I least expected to leave me and I cant even tell you how sad I am about it. I don't sleep well because I dream about her and her family. Her family was like a second family to me. I was good friends with two of her sisters too and I adored her youngest sister. Repeatedly I dream about them and then spend the next day depressed because of it.
Work has been stressing me out just because I'm terrified of losing my job. Even when I'm not working I often dream about work and wake up throughout the night very tense.
Then I'm mad at my parents because they wont get me a therapist and I desperately need someone to talk to and I no longer have a best friend.
I think the worst, maybe besides losing my best friend, is I am angry and anxious and depressed because I was raped a couple weeks ago. I'm mad at myself because I was stupid to be drinking and mad at him for obvious reasons and really have trouble tolerating males in general because this is just the latest reason for me not to trust men and this is a guy I work with who continues to pressure me to hang out with him and I don't know how to get rid of him because I cant ask for help I'm too ashamed to admit what happened.
And I keep wanting to self harm. I can't do it because bikini season and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my job but I keep thinking about it, particularly when I try to sleep.
And I've mentioned my dreams but they suck because I never feel like I get a good night's sleep anymore. And all these things I end up thinking about before a sleep a lot of times I cry at night and I feel so helpless cause I sure cant afford a therapist and I told my mom I need one but she wont get me one and I don't really have any friends I can talk to anymore.
So yeah I just needed to vent because I don't even know what to do.