Tdoc told me it was "abnormal" that I, with BP (unDXed and untreated at the time) was able to hold jobs as well as I had. I worked for one company for over six years with no extraordinary absences (and to this day am eligible for rehire) and worked another job for over a year, six months of which pulling sixty hours or more a week.

I worked up until the day I was hospitalized, three hours that morning. When I was released six days later, I was relieved to find that I had been replaced. I needed TWO YEARS to focus on myself, accepting my DX and recovering, as well as trying to figure out which way was even up.

I tried recently to accept a weekly housekeeping position, but the responsibility created so much stress and anxiety I had to resign. I took it because I am desperate for money so I can get back in treatment and on meds, however, the mental anguish coupled with new onset physical pain with extreme emotional reactions put me in bed for two days following both tries.

I have applied for disability and was denied, in appeal now. My hearing is at least six months away?

I was a very proud, very hard worker. I am ashamed that I can't work now. It's a reality I have had to accept. Perhaps one day I will have this disorder under better control, but it isn't now. As someone else said, volunteer work is the best I can do- when I want, as much I want with no strings attached.

I really, really admire those of you that can work. I miss the pride, accomplishment and respect. My accomplishments these days are getting out of bed or taking a shower or not harming myself or those around me, and it has to be good enough until I am better