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Originally Posted by blur
well, that is better than nothing but she isn't a T yet. this is sort of like being treated by a 1st year med student. unfortunately, not a good idea at all. look, i think she cares for you and means well but is just not equipped to really help you, certainly not as a T. i am glad she responded to you and has apologized but is she willing to do anything differently? is she willing to set up some consistency and boundaries in your relationship? she needs to do more than just apologize.
what about asking school T or DBT T for a referral to another T? even if you don't start until the Fall with a new T you could get it set up now. wouldn't doing something like that help you feel like you are starting next year off in a good place. you would be creating a secure space for yourself to come back to. and, if you are able to stay where you are for the summer then that is even better and you can start seeing the new T now. just think about it, okay? i know all this stuff is really hard.  |
Well she set a time for tomorrow evening. She doesn't usually set times. Ha, she told me what time we are talking and then was like "wait... if that time works for you" so she's a beginner at setting times but I guess you have to start somewhere. I still doubt I'll actually be talking to her at 6:30 like she said. It'll probably be more like 7:00 or 7:30 or even 9:30 but we'll see. I guess she might hold fast to 6:30 this one time because I chewed her out, but then she'll fall back. Maybe I shouldn't laugh with her or be lighthearted. Maybe that makes it seem more playful and therefore casual to her.
The thing is that maybe I just don't give her enough hell about it. She could probably cancel every time for months and I'd still wait for her to call. I don't hold her accountable for anything and I'm not accepting apologies left and right. She says "can we move the time to x?" and I just always say "yes. whenever is best for you" because I so desperately want to be comfortable with spontaneous times. Not because I want to avoid this conflict but because my mother is so damn **** about time and appointments she'd scream at me if we were less than 15mins early to a doctor's appointment. I know that her issues with scheduling and her telling me I'm a worthless piece of trash for making us late caused me to be nervous about schedules and I really want to be everything my mom isn't. So I pretend to be lax about the time and cool with approximates and cover up the fact that I'm always constantly running my schedule through my head, paranoid that I'll be late or forget something.
This doesn't sound any better because I know I'm blaming myself for her shortcomings but really I'm sure I play a part.
School T will not make referrals. I've asked. I have to find this T on my own with help from LCM.