(((Hugs)))) to you, Rapunzel. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my uncle to suicide this summer. He had a traumatic childhood and struggled with severe depression throughout his life. It makes me so sad that he didn't have a happier, fuller, longer life... and, like you, I feel angry that he didn't get the help he needed. It seems like such a waste and there's so much grief in our family.

I know it's hard not to agonize over wondering if you could have done more to help, but ultimately it was out of your hands. Your brother struggled with a powerful illness. We can't control what goes on inside another person's mind. You didn't have the power to fix any of that for him. You loved him and you will miss him. It's so very sad. I hope you can find some solace in the happier memories you have of him.