Dayummm Girl! Our stories are completely different but the foundation, feelings, and a certain romantical change in our T's lives are the same! I can totally relate to you with all of this. I think the only area my situation is different is that my T did limited reparenting, while simultaneously treating me like a friend as well. She is my mom's age, but when she studied for her MFT license, most of her classmates were much younger than her. She also mentions how she's always the oldest in all of the seminars and training she occasionally attends, but doesn't care because she loves to continue learning. So I think the mixture of her only being in this country for 20 years and interacting with mostly younger people, and myself growing up interacting mostly with older people/adults made us meet halfway and form this uniquely weird relationship. So now she still interacts with me as a friend, but the reparenting stuff has moved on to the next level, which required a boundary change....so it makes everything so confusing and irritating. She still tells me to make her come to the gym and has joked about us working together or me becoming HER therapist once I begin practicing...but when I go into clingy-little-kid-who-needs-her-mommy-and-feels-like-she-will-die-when-we-are-apart mode, she puts her foot down and goes all "please trust me that I will listen to you (enter time/day here) and that I will keep my word. I need to have time for myself now." JUST like a mom would say to her nagging child.
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Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl
I feel that she quite possibly used me to meet her own needs a bit at a time in her life when she was in between boyfriends and perhaps had a slight lull in terms of her life being full.
Yup yup yup! I know that feeling! 
I know that she loves/ loved me, but I think her life picked up speed and became full again and she got a wonderful new boyfriend
I completely suspect my T has a new love-interest who did not exist last year. I don't wanna know. But at the same time I want all the details. THIS IS THE CONFUSION I'M TALKING ABOUT! The kid me thinks it is disgusting and the friend me wants to know...the client me doesn't give a cr@p.
But I resent it, because I want the therapisty-sistery-maternal-friend person (can you tell I'm confused?) I had for three months. I'm resentful because before she flexed the boundaries, I had no issue with it being a boundaried relationship. I took it for granted I would never be in any way special to her. And she made me feel special, when it suited her.
I understand. I literally paid no attention when my T gave me her personal cell # our 3rd or 4th session. I lost the paper, didn't realize or care, and she would always call me from her cell. My reaction was "who the hell is this?" since it was not the office number. lol Finally after 2 months she said "you have my cell, why don't you call me when you aren't feeling well!?" Then I said...."I don't know.... " and immediately when I left the session, saved her # as a contact. I couldn't care any less if there were tight boundaries. Hell, I didn't even know what boundaries were...until I realized how uncomfortably close we were getting.
There, I said it. I am now officially an ungrateful, entitled little madam.
No you are not. 
Paradoxically though, it has healed me in leaps and bounds, so I win in terms of the rest of my life, with the rest of my relationships. But I feel like I need to shed this therapeutic relationship like an old skin.
The best part is you are able to realize your gains, instead of focusing on the loss only. You do win. Seems you outgrew her and need to either give yourself a chance to do things on your own, or find a new T and start a new chapter.
Therapy is the easiest most fun thing in the whole world - said no one, ever.
Pshh...Wrong. I brag to everyone, all the time.  |