Quote:
Originally Posted by tigergirl
why can't you tell her what you shared here?
sounds like something the two of you really need to talk about together
that's a really tough position you are in |
Thank you, it does feel a bit tough . I feel as though I can't tell her because she'll get angry and we'll have a whopper of a row that I really do not need right now. I don't want to sabotage my good mental health by getting into fights that can't end well.
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Originally Posted by Leah123
I so agree that NONE of this is 'just' in your head, and am sorry if I gave that impression in my previous post. What I meant to say was that... the significant, awful-feeling changes in your relationship are having such an emotional impact that I hope you'll give yourself time to try out the new parameters in the relationship and that I think there is a good possibility to resolve the rupture.
I am very sorry your therapist has made this relationship so messy. It does sound messy, and the one part you wrote that I completely disagree with is " There, I said it. I am now officially an ungrateful, entitled little madam." You sound like someone feeling the rug pulled out from underneath, and you are. I know it's complicated a lot by the fact the therapy's free. I know. But you're entitled to your feelings, they are reasonable, and I just hope you two are able to work through them and you can get to a place of feeling more secure in therapy and back on track to more of that wonderful healing that you've mentioned getting out of the relationship many times.  |
Leah! No I didn't think you meant that at all
it's more that my default in the past was to blame and doubt myself, so I guess I still keep checking it out in my own head - that maybe it is my fault for being a drama llama and dreaming it all up. Except that simply isn't true and I don't believe it. I'm done being a scapegoat (privately, in my own internal monologue) for every emotional flaw in relationships.
You're right too about the fact that despite the fact it's free therapy, I still get to have feelings about it. I think it should still be mindful, free or not. I have dismissed that far too long.
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Originally Posted by sweepy62
Wow, if you really believe that, and its your gut feeling, only you know, she did cross many boundaries, I would share this with her, because, I would feel lots of resentment. I certainly would need closure on this, if I wanted to continue with her.
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Thank you Sweepy
I don't honestly know if I want to press on with her at the minute. I also don't know if I really believe she did 'use' me, or if it just feels like it's true. I definitely do believe she was careless with her words quite often, and that has led me up the garden path.
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Originally Posted by skies
IndestructibleGirl-
This is too much to not talk to her about. If you don't bring this up to her, you're going to resent it. Big time.
Our therapists will make mistakes, and sometimes inadvertently bring needs into our therapies. However, if it happens once, twice...maybe three times--it can be a mistake. If it happens more than that, it's negligence, imo....and I haven't even read all of your threads.
Moving on sounds like a smart thing to do. I'm glad she has helped you with what she could, but you deserve to have a life-changing therapy.
eta-sorry, I don't know your whole story, and I think my response could have been over-reactive! |
Thank you! Nope, you weren't over-reactive at all
I really don't know if bringing it up is acting from a place of promoting my own health and welfare. I'm leaning towards cutting my losses, which seems like it might be least damaging to the good memories and good experiences had to date.
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Originally Posted by hankster
Idk. My t has said he'd "like" to do a lot of things with or for me - i dont mean this as a joke, honest! - and it took a while for me to get it. Like yeah youre smart id love to have you do research for me. That doesnt mean ME actually working for HIM - i think that means, yeah t thinks i could do that job. I realize this wasnt exactly your situation. But my t also said he really wanted to get me a birthday present - 3 birthdays ago! (But who's counting?!)
And yeah they do it when they have time - between love affairs, or their partner is busy at work, or no other client is freaking out right now. They cant exactly do it when they dont have time. Thats why we have to take them up on it when they offer. A few xmas's ago, my t offered to be available by phone. I was like, nah i can white-knuckle it thru. Hes like, dont do that - call me. So i opened myself up to the experience and called him several times. That was MY xmas - he hasnt offered again.
It sounds like youre actually okay with this. Im more concerned about the bad thing you hinted at that happened. |
Hankster
the bold bit made me giggle!
Aye, I get what you're saying about them not doing it when they simply cannot, because they have their own lives to lead etc. Totally get that. But then why set a precedent of it not being an issue? Why not make it clear from the get go about what your boundaries are as a therapist, instead of repeatedly telling your client that they can never be too much? And then changing horses midstream.
Changing it to "You're unconsciously trying to prove to others that you are too much, so you go over the top to fulfill that" which essentially is "You are, in fact, too much." Dressed up as something else. Well, fu.ck that for a game of soldiers! I don't appreciate being lulled into a false sense of security and then having it thrown in my face later.
The bad thing that happened was I was let go from my job, albeit with a great reference. Not my fault, some clients didn't renew contracts so my boss can't afford me anymore. Serious serious economic implications and I am extremely worried - but also thrilled because I'm not turning savagely on myself
I'm not plummetting into despising myself.
It was a good test to see how my new self-worth holds up under fire.
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Originally Posted by AllyIsHopeful
Dayummm Girl! Our stories are completely different but the foundation, feelings, and a certain romantical change in our T's lives are the same! I can totally relate to you with all of this. I think the only area my situation is different is that my T did limited reparenting, while simultaneously treating me like a friend as well. She is my mom's age, but when she studied for her MFT license, most of her classmates were much younger than her. She also mentions how she's always the oldest in all of the seminars and training she occasionally attends, but doesn't care because she loves to continue learning. So I think the mixture of her only being in this country for 20 years and interacting with mostly younger people, and myself growing up interacting mostly with older people/adults made us meet halfway and form this uniquely weird relationship. So now she still interacts with me as a friend, but the reparenting stuff has moved on to the next level, which required a boundary change....so it makes everything so confusing and irritating. She still tells me to make her come to the gym and has joked about us working together or me becoming HER therapist once I begin practicing...but when I go into clingy-little-kid-who-needs-her-mommy-and-feels-like-she-will-die-when-we-are-apart mode, she puts her foot down and goes all "please trust me that I will listen to you (enter time/day here) and that I will keep my word. I need to have time for myself now." JUST like a mom would say to her nagging child.  |
Ally
Yep, seeing lots of parallels! It is so maddeningly complicated when these things get mixed up. It sounds like it is still working for you? Which is great! How do you separate out the friendship and the reparenting?! Is that not head melting?!