Yes, I blame myself.

Every bad experience I went through, I made the (stupid) choice of putting myself in the situation. Many times it was to protect someone else but I knew what was likely to happen to me and it did. I felt the other persons safety/health/happiness was more important than mine. If I couldn't find a way for both of us to get out of the situation, I put myself in the middle to protect them. So, yes, I am to blame.

It's stupid that I'm in the place, now, that I always wanted to be in and now, I can't be happy because all the stupid things I got myself into are catching up to me now. My therapist said that's normal and the effects of the stupid things come back to haunt you when you get to your happy place. So I guess I'll never be able to appreciate what I have and be happy and normal.

Normalcy ... what is that?