I went to my family doctor for help because I was getting chest pains and migraines and panic attacks. He referred me to the mental health clinic as my heart health was fine. I guess I'm not dealing with the mental health stigma too well.

Finally saw the therapist the other day and told him most of my life story. He said he could refer me to a psychiatrist who would prescribe pills to help with the anxiety attacks. I said I didn't want pills ... no crutches. I just want to be normal.

He said he would refer me to a psychiatrist, then, that does not prescribe pills and prefers to use other treatments but this psychiatrist (the only one of her kind) isn't taking any bookings until September. Wonderful! My family doctor then, gave me 6 months more off from work. Therapist said it was the job that was making me sick.

Actually, it is just one, of many triggers, I believe.

Don't know what all my triggers are but I've thought of some that may be:

Don't like wall to wall people
Don't like parties (even if they are with great friends and family)
Don't like walking around by myself
Don't like people following me (friend or foe)
Don't like people looking at me
Don't like public speaking
Don't like people thinking they need to get me into the conversation
Don't like people ignoring me when I'm trying to speak
Don't like people trying to dominate me during sex
Don't like people ignoring me but paying all their attention to my wife
Don't like people who ask me a question then not listen to my answer
Don't like going to busy places

These are all daily things.

Don't like feeling like a different person on the inside than I am able to portray on the outside.