Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose3
Sorry to hear about the therapist who was wrong for you (and then they discharged you instead of re-assigning you to another therapist). When classes end, there are others in future that you can take. If you do not make friends in a class, perhaps it is because the other people are not there for the purpose of making friends (maybe they are there just for the class?). As you've mentioned that your art therapy ended - is it possible to start art therapy again? Is there another creative arts group that will start? Are there some other opportunities for doing volunteering? Even though an exhibit feels stressful, is it possible to plan for another exhibit? - artists do exhibits - so go ahead and organize your next one. In your efforts to make friends - perhaps you are seeming to be wanting more contact than the other people want, and if they don't really have that much time - then - that's the way it can sometimes be with busy people. Especially with people who already have marriages or families - they are already busy, so it doesn't surprise me that they don't have time. Perhaps it would be more useful for you to find people who are in "single" circumstances, and who are looking for connections/friendships. And - it is understandable that you would feel like that "last resort" at times. Perhaps it would be better for you to focus less on wanting friendships, and allow yourself to meet others in a way that is less intense/clingy/needy. Maybe get involved in a variety of activities where you can meet people. There are options.
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All good advice and what I have been doing for the last few years. I just don't understand why people are so unfriendly towards me. I have a whole list of people in my phone book with whom every interaction I have had with has been positive and enjoyable for both parties, yet not one of them has ever accepted an invitation I have made to them and only three times in as many years have I been invited out.
Take this as an example: I was asked to write and run a Dungeons and Dragons game for a group of people. I ran the game hoping that it could become a regular thing. We didn't finish it in the one night and arranged to play again the next week. I prepare the game again, but the night before it was due to happen I get a message saying that it was been called off and they were doing something else instead. Everyone who had been to the game was invited out for this new thing, but not me. I got on well with these people. We laughed and joked and had fun together, but I am treated like an outsider and excluded when it comes to the crunch. Why?
Several months later I bump into a couple of these people again. They say that they are thinking of running another game and invite me to join. Several months pass while they arrange it. Over that time I speak with them two more times in passing. They promise me that they are doing it soon, but then when the time came they did it without me. Why? What possible trouble could it have been for them to invite me along as well?
You say that people do not have much time. Yes some people are busy and they have to assign their time. Why then am I assigned so little by everyone I meet. And by so little I mean two evenings over the space of three years. It is especially hurtful when it comes to example such as above where it's not about having the time but simple exclusion.
Take this situation with Rosa that I mentioned in my first post. I have her messages in my phone. She had said some very nice things about me and about how glad she is to meet me, but when it comes to backing those words, what time was I worth to her? A single evening. Out of her entire life, my company was worth no more than a few hours.