I have depression and adhd. But it seems like something else is wrong with me. I'm a junior in high school. I don't have any friends, but I'm not lonely. Sometimes, out of sheer boredom, I wish I did, but overall it doesn't really bother me. I can make friends, but I never try to become closer to them. Pretty much everyone that I have been close to has screwed me over. Some social situations make me uncomfortable, to the point that I would rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than talk to people. It's not so much that I'm anxious around people, it's just that I don't feel like talking to them. I don't like who I am right now but I don't necessarily care what other people think of me, unless it affects my life in a negative way.
It's strange. When I was about 12 I was extremely paranoid. I never had visual hallucinations, but I thought ghosts/creatures were watching me and trying to hurt me constantly. And I mean constantly. So I guess you could say that I was hearing voices. I was physically ill at the time, and when I got better it stopped. Nothing like that has ever happened to me since, but looking back, I seemed to be schizophrenic. I became a loner about a year and a half ago, but even before then I didn't really care for friends. As of now, unless being friends with someone benefits me(they have access to drugs or alcohol) I don't really care. I have empathy, and I don't manipulate or lie to people. I just don't care about anyone but myself anymore. I can't find a mental disorder that really describes me. It's confusing because I know that I'm a f***** up person. I'm not asking for a diagnosis but some insight would be nice.