(((in a corner))) yeah, i can totally relate to knowing that bones are sticking out but still feeling so...fat. I do recognize that i need help, the fact is that i can't afford it right now so i guess i'm relying on this site a lot and on one of my friends who's a recovered anorexic.

(((inkblot))) YES. you worded everything you said so incredibly well, about all the things they say and the way it directly relates to how we/I feel. Before your reply i also hadn't really thought about how the jokes and stuff affect me. I was upset because i found out many were talking behind my back, but i guess i had never really considered the jokes etc. as a threat to my self image but now i realize that those are the bulk of what's getting to me.

thanks to you both...thanks for the support.

There is something i read later the day i posted this (dont' remember where..) and it really helped me so maybe it will help either/both of you. I read that the root of most anxiety/panic attacks like the one i had when i posted this are caused by personal awareness of one's body. e.g. touching the stomach or sides, or looking into a mirror. By avoiding these situations when we know we are weak, the worst can be avoided...and with me that's proven effective..hopefully it will help someone else as well..