I just caught myself wondering tonight "I wonder if I was just a bit thinner, would she still like me". I know it's dumb and not remotely relevant. But I'm annoyed at myself for thinking the thoughts. I can't look at myself in the mirror tonight, because I see the not-good-enough. And my therapist is very slender, and used to have an eating disorder so I know fat registers on her radar.

I normally, these days, am very body confident. I hope this is just a fleeting mood. I don't think I'm panicking over it - I don't hate my body. I'm just suddenly ill at ease in it.

Had to get this out x