Quote:
Originally Posted by granite1
I have T on Tuesday and I realized just how angry I am .at who I have no idea. my T saying that these report cards were not bad has go me crazy .I don't understand it and I am angry . does it really matter weather these report cards were bad or not .for me they were hell. the mother beat me horrible because of them ,does that count for anything ? or am I just suppose to say oh well they were not bad. it makes no sense. I was kept in my room for days not allowed to come out even to go to the bathroom . how humiliating . it was a night mare . why cant I talk about that why is none of that important . I have spent my whole life justifying this around the fact that I was horrible in school . it all made sense . but I am suppose to just say oh it isn't that bad. get over it .I CANT IT IS SO HORRIBLE
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In your post above it seems like you are saying you have justified your mother's abuse of you because you were 'such a horrible child'. To you, these report cards show state in black and white how extremely bad and awful you were, and thus the mother unit was right to punish you so severely.
If so, no wonder your t's response doesn't fit right with you. You believe you were a horrible child who deserved to be punished (abused) so badly, T believes you were just a normal every day kid, who should never have been abused at all.
Both can't be right, can they?
I once read that one of the hardest things to do in life is to accept evidence that contradicts a deeply held belief. Doing so can turn a person's whole world upside down and throw everything into a temporary chaos. Imagine finding out that something you have believed at the very core of your being - something that has influenced every single aspect of your life - is wrong.
Your t's response contradicts your lifelong belief about yourself that you were a child who deserved to be abused.
No wonder you can't accept her response as believable
...yet.
This work is hard, but it will be worth your life, Granite.