Oh, I can relate Sabau.

I recently made a rule for myself. I will say yes to at least 2 social outings per week whether I want to or not. I used to have agoraphobia and even though I got better and went back to work, I was still avoiding socializing. Part of me would want to say yes because I want to see my friends, but the anxiety was more powerful.

At my new job, there are lots of social/work events that I HAVE to go to and what I have found out is that I usually have fun once I'm there. So, the more I do this social stuff, the easier it gets. My anxiety is lessening and I'm actually enjoying myself.

When I have the option to say NO to a social outing, that's my first impulse, but I have been making myself say YES. I see it as part of my therapy -- exposure therapy. The more I do it, the more natural it will seem and the less anxiety I will have. I don't want to go back to being agoraphobic, so I have to fight the avoidance urge. The avoidance tends to spiral if I don't challenge myself and before I know it, I'm not socializing at all.

Maybe you could set yourself a goal. For instance, tell yourself, I will say YES to a social outing X times per month. Tell yourself you can leave if you're not having a good time and you're having a lot of anxiety. Maybe choose outings that are close to home if that makes you feel more comfortable, and remind yourself that you don't have to stay if you don't want to. That way, it doesn't seem like a huge commitment and it's less anxiety-inducing. It's so tempting to just shut ourselves away where we feel safe, but getting together with friends can be rejuvenating. I hope you're able to get out once in a while and enjoy yourself... and I hope that the more you do it, the more you enjoy it, and your anxiety will lessen. ((((Hugs))))) to you. I know how tough this is.

P.S. I'm going out for a birthday dinner with friends tonight. I have been looking forward to it for 2 weeks, but of course I woke up this morning filled with anxiety, my stomach tied in knots, etc. I keep having little flashes of wanting to make up some excuse why I can't go, but I am DETERMINED to go and I am DETERMINED to have a good time. If I stay home and miss out on something I have been looking forward to, I know I'll regret it.