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Originally Posted by Mastodon
Good point re specific meanings (and I like the chemistry simile!) I don't quite get your Tolstovian point, though.
I do not think that any one of the four styles is inherently bad or unhealthy, and I don't think that the secure style seems inherently better than any of the other three. It all depends on the context we live in, and on the people we are in various different relationships with, right?
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You're right in that certain attachment styles helped us when we developed them, but the problem is that when we become free from abusive or dysfunctional relationships, we still tend to use those old default patterns, and they become hindrances to positive, healthy relationships. That's why it's important to know them and to know what is healthy in a normal, non-abusive/dysfunctional relationship.