i hated the teachers for those report cards . it was them that would cause the mother to punish me every time. it was so frustrating because i was doing the best i could and they would say i was not . and i would get beat and kept in my room every time. i remember walking home and praying for a natural disaster to take my life before i got home . i would get so angry at god for not doing this

In your post above it seems like you are saying you have justified your mother's abuse of you because you were 'such a horrible child'. To you, these report cards show state in black and white how extremely bad and awful you were, and thus the mother unit was right to punish you so severely.

If so, no wonder your t's response doesn't fit right with you. You believe you were a horrible child who deserved to be punished (abused) so badly, T believes you were just a normal every day kid, who should never have been abused at all.

Both can't be right, can they?

I once read that one of the hardest things to do in life is to accept evidence that contradicts a deeply held belief. Doing so can turn a person's whole world upside down and throw everything into a temporary chaos. Imagine finding out that something you have believed at the very core of your being - something that has influenced every single aspect of your life - is wrong.

Your t's response contradicts your lifelong belief about yourself that you were a child who deserved to be abused.

No wonder you can't accept her response as believable

...yet.

This work is hard, but it will be worth your life, Granite.