Hi,

I am new to psych central forums. I suspect I am suffering from clinical depression and need help and support.

This is not the first time I have been in such a depressed situation, I have previously failed in an earlier job (was let go), had two toxic relationships which almost left me destroyed (failed at my earlier job due to toxic relationships). I was able to pull myself out of the state of despair and achieve success in my job and found a great woman to share my life with.

a little background on my current situation.

I've been working in an international business scenario from past few months. Have been away from my wife and family for almost 8 months. I've been working alone and have not met much success in my new role that I've worked here. Before moving to a new location I was quite successful in my company and was awarded and praised constantly by my management at various levels and received best sales performer awards in yearly award functions.

the situation today is that I feel like a big failure as compared to my colleagues and other friends, I feel as if I am stuck in my current scenario and might loose my job any day. My wife has not been keeping well (and has been mildly depressed herself) and this has put tremendous stress on me personally and I have been trying for both of us to move back together so that we can support each other in our problems.

I have a strong suspicion that I have gone into depression in past 3 weeks to two months as I've been taking very bad work decisions, have slowly lost my will power for work and have not been able to dedicate my time to activities which I enjoy. I try to manage my motivation level all the time but things seem to be getting worse day by day.

I suspect that i also have a case of Adult ADD as I am usually not able to plan my activities, tasks and overall business in a very efficient manner without the oversight of a good manager/boss (which has been missing in my new assignment). This has some how lead me into a vicious cycle of failure and depression. I am somehow unable to take sane actions and even work out basic decisions. I feel totally lost and dejected.

I have not had the heart to talk these issues out with my partner as I feel i will stress her more.

I do strongly believe that I would be able to pull myself out of these issues if I give myself some time out and achieve some success in work, focus on meditation and move back together with my partner. I am just unable to work these things out either due to my lack of discipline (ADD) or willpower. the situation is that i know what I have to do but cannot bring myself to work on my problems, or deal with my work related challenges or failures.

i feel extremely stressed, under anxiety most of the time and also depressed (feel drowsy most of the times, not interested in my work tasks and responsibilities etc, I am unable to have sound sleep in the night and wake up having dreamt up strange dreams).

i need support in dealing with these problems but not sure whom to share the issues with. I want to confront my company management with the workplace problems that I am facing but cant gather heart to do so as i have internalized this belief that my failures are a result of my own inability to understand my new responsibilities and execute a good enough plan for achieving success.

More than feeling sad, i feel annoyed and angry that I have not performed well on my job, will crash and burn (again, ) and will suffer a setback in my career. I am unable to think with a straight mind on my situation and take any decisions. I do not wish to give more stress to my partner and parents thus sharing my heart out on this forum.

appreciate the advice of forum members.

I have formed the following plan for my current situation- 1) confront my remote manager with my issues 2) move back to my wife and try to get my old role back 3) take therapy from psychiatrist for taking medical advice for attention and focus issues 4) focus on disciplining myself through exercise, meditation and if possible through yoga.

hope I can execute this with success!