Quote:
Originally Posted by RainbowG
I think it's difficult for people to accept that some people will never change. There's a warm and fuzzy feeling in the thought that anyone can change, and perhaps that's theoretically true, but practically is a different matter.
My former therapist actually hinted that since my parents are getting older, "maybe they've changed without you having to do anything about it."  I thought, "Uh, no, it doesn't work that way with them." This was about 5 years ago. One year ago, I reconnected with my sister. She's been talking to me about her frustrations with them, and guess what? The only way they've changed is to get worse. I'm grateful that I listened to my intuition and not the well-meaning voice of society (through my former therapist).
I agree that it's not about punishment. There's no reason why we should put ourselves in the path of an abuser. We have the right to protect ourselves, and sometimes that means low contact or no contact. |
My ex-therapist said the same thing about my parents are getting older (almost 70) they could change, if they didn't try to make a chance in the past, what makes you think they are gonna change when they are elderly? Very few people change when they get older will change and make things right, but saying the elderly will change because they are "getting older" is ludacris - that is placing too much hope on them. If that's the case, then the world would be a better place!
I shot that down with people and ex-therapist so fast wasn't funny, she got fussy because I didn't take a lot of the stuff that she told me as gold which I laughed at her and said 'until you can speak about your own real life experience and not be so rigid from your textbook knowledge from college, then we may be able to have a real discussion on such topics.' That took care of that! I told her I am not taking your or anyone's suggestions on ridiculous topics using "what society's tells people," yea she got mad at that.
I listen to my own intuition nothing I say/do will ever please my parents. They made it clear they don't give a **** what part of that do people not understand? Any 2 idiots can give birth and get married, but always remember the emotional aspect that's suppose to go with that and if it isn't there; then there was no such thing as a marriage or being an actual parent to their child(ren). I told her and others narcs don't change, I never heard of a story where they do change. Why would a supreme, gold-like, know it all say they will change when they are suppose to know everything? She was so clueless about that made me sick in her office! Society is what I call 'the little man behind the curtains pulling the strings. He is the puppeteer and the people are the puppets telling them how to think/act/speak/look/feel/etc that is not an individual who can think for themselves and the little man won't allow you to have your own voice and to question/test everything out there.' Weren't some people taught to don't go by what people say find the answer(s) yourself? They say well yea then go believe someone else's words like it is gold! Look how fast logic and reason goes out the window! People should seek their own truths, I sought mine that is not hard to do.
So, yea, I do agree about anyone can change the big keyword is IF they change. It's a matter of IF and WANT TO change, yea we all have choices good, bad, ugly, or indifferent. A lot of abusers don't change only a small percentage of them do change, again, it would be a better world if they all changed. Listening to my ex-therapist was like listening to a little still living in fantasy island (yea I told her that) and thinking with a little whim, we are gonna wake up tomorrow with warm, fuzzy feelings and abuse is all gone! Also, it was like listening to a boring pastor who didn't practice what should be preached, hypocritical, contradicting, know it all, and gullible - she didn't like that but that's how she came across if you listened to how the ex-therapist spoke.