You're an overcomer! Stay in the fight till the final round, cause God is holding you right now. you might be down for a moment, feeling like it's hopeless...but that's when he reminds you: you're an overcomer!!
I can relate with almost everything you're saying, I was just in the hospital 4 months ago.
I keep screaming out to God telling him that I'm tired of all this, I just want him to take it all away. But he keeps reminding me of that verse that says "my power works best in weakness".
I want you to listen to a song, mija. "Where you begin" by Mandisa. It's an incredible song!

Stay strong, my dear. You will make it! I believe in you.