I strongly recommend you just take the first step and go sit and listen. The demographics are much younger now than they used to be. Lots of twenty somethings and thirty somethings. You could relate to people in their 30's. Men out number women but there are lots of women. The women really tend to reach out to someone new. The women stick together like glue and really bond and watch out for eachother. More so then men. the men do to but it takes longer.

No you are not judged if you relapse. You are welcomed back and people are glad you made it back. No one is going to recommend you relapse and some are going to say you are lucky you made it back because often people don't. There is a saying that alcoholism/addiction leads to one of three places...jails, institutions, and death. This is true. Relapse is a part of recovery for many it is just a risky business. I know a guy who relapsed over and over and over again over a ten year period. He kept coming back and copping to it. Today he has ten years and is a big leader in AA.

You have a couple of issues going on. The depression and the chronic pain. Don't worry about 90 in 90 or how you are gonna make it past 45 days and all of that. The depression will keep you from making meetings. that is just the way it is. There are tons of people in AA and NA with dual diagnosis. If you make a couple of friends you can email and text or talk on the phone if you can't get to meetings. There are online meetings and support groups such as here. This section is not that active but there are others out there.

Don't worry about anything in the future, just get yourself to one meeting and sit and listen. Maybe say you are new and are an addict and that is it. You already admitted it here and that is a huge step.

NA Recovery - Narcotics Anonymous Chat and Online NA Meetings for Drug Addicts

I found a group of people within AA who also suffered from depression. We had our own casual support group outside the meetings. Meaning we were friends and often talked about meds and depression. Sometimes if I ran out of Effexor I had someone I could call and get some until I could get a refill....things like that.