Hello, I'm diagnosed with bipolar II and I quit using lithium without my doctor's guidance or anything three months ago or something. I'm sorry if I come off as illiterate I can't quite get my head here right now and I didn't know where else to ask help (I refuse to talk to my doctor tbh) I'm not sure if I'm depressed because it doesnt feel like the depression I was in before, what I have right now

- Suicidal thoughts, too much of them i literally cant stop thinking about suicide yesterday i wrote a legacy but im not sure how I'll do it or if I will
- Self harm relapse, also I'm trying very hard to not get back with bulimia but I really really hate myself so much I don't even know what to do and I started binging (i'm not sure if this is about bipolar)
- I cant stay still at all I feel like running and hitting people? I'm energetic but it really interferes my exams and it's very negative, I can't filter my mouth at all and I feel like crying a lot
- Also I'm talking a lot I demand a lot of attention and feel like as if people can't catch up to me sometimes but of course this makes other people angry and I end up crying - I really hate being so childish
- I can't focus my attention, right now I'm even having trouble writing this.
- I think about too many things at the same time that I can't even figure out what I'm thinking and my ocd got way worse

If anyone could help me out that would be great, I read about mixed episodes but I'm not sure because it's written that it's a bipolar 1 thing, but I'm also kind of sure that its not rapid cycling?