Well to continue a trend, figured I'd post how it went tonight.

Went in numb and with trouble concentrating... relayed this to her and that it would be appreciated if we paced it a little rather than overloading me with information. She accepted this and we had a chat...

She brought up that she had noticed I'd come to a barrier that was slowing things up... an entrenched defence mechanism that was repressing emotions... and knocking me back... a block.

She asked me describe in physical/visual and auditory terms the block... a bit of a weird task as to me it's just a block, but she insisted I humoured her and so I tried. Described it as a metal curtain; tall, dark, cold and dry.. she asked me what sound it made... and I said, a deep base hum.

Once done, she brought up another activity... called hot seating: to engage this block in conversation... I really struggled with this... she accepted that it was a bit contrived but insisted I gave it a go.

To cut a long story short we surmised that this block, sets me up to fail so that actual failure does not hurt so much. Was a really weird task like I said... but it led to chat about times past to how things are now... that as a youth I was a risk taker, though now I'm very considered... almost overthinking things before committing to anything.

She's asked me to try and do at least 2 spontaneous things before our next session.

We also booked the double session that we'll be having for trauma work... 9th June.