Dear T,

Why do you let me direct everything? I don't know if I can do it - it's been so long now. Aren't you getting concerned about my lack of initiative? You mentioned how something I said showed some progress but I can't remember what it was exactly. I still struggle to hold onto what is said in our sessions and although this has improved some, it saddens me that I can't remember as much as I should. And it saddens me that I can't hold onto our connection (if it even exists?) and it's like starting over almost from day one. Like Groundhog Day - well except each session is different. But T! I desperately need some continuity! I feel like our sessions are a microcosm of how I am in real life. I forget things and people and my feelings dramatically change to the point that I'm almost a different person from one day or week to the next. And I worry about feeling like I could stop therapy and it would almost be like it never happened...like a dream. How can you know me when I can't know me?