Quote:
Originally Posted by Mactastic
I'm so confused.
I have genuine, loving feelings for my therapist. He's been amazing. But lately I've been growing increasingly angry with him and I don't get it! My feelings of anger don't align with why I'm angry. I'm mostly upset because I feel like he's been avoiding topics I've emailed about but I know in reality it's a lack of time. Second, I think I'm mad because I ache to feel countertranference from him and I simply don't. I know this is childish!  He's super ethical and I have so much respect for him in regards to that but I'm still angry I'm not a "special snowflake" to him like he is to me. Lastly, I'm frustrated with the skewed power dynamic. He sets the time, starts and ends sessions, veers topics as he sees fit, etc.
I emailed him telling him I have angry feelings towards him I don't understand and he says we should definitely talk about it next time. Sigh. Should be a blast!  |
Man, I could have written this entire thing! I absolutely feel your pain, and I'm so sorry you are feeling this way....
I know how it is to have your T completely avoid the things you want to talk about most. And the time thing...it's hard sharing a T with a million other clients! (hence my prostitution theory)
I think it's completely normal to ache to feel countertransference from your T. I've been dying to feel this from him too, but I'm just not getting it! It's like, "God, just throw me a damn crumb, won't you?"
And the power dynamic...ugh. I wish I could say something that could help you, but I know that I'm going through this myself with the same frustration and questions. *hugs* All I can recommend is just talking and bringing up subjects no matter how uncomfortable it makes him feel. It might even make YOU feel better to watch him squirm a bit. You're paying for this, you might as well get to say whatever you want, and if he doesn't like it, whatever, right??
It's so hard for me not to just be "done" with my T whenever he doesn't respond back immediately to one of my text messages. I don't need to pay for rejection; I already get it a million times over in every other facet of my life...
Therapy is difficult, no doubt about that. Sometimes I wonder if it has to be this difficult. Like, am I making it worse for myself with my feelings? Or can this all be tackled?
It sucks to want to take control of sessions and leave feeling like you're not getting what you want, even if it's deemed "inappropriate."