I feel like I can't ask for help because there's nothing physically, viewably wrong with me. I'm so messed up in the head, I don't know what to do or where to go and I feel like I can't say hey mom I need to go to the ER because we don't have the obey to pay for things like that and there's nothing physically wrong. I should be able to suck it up and deal with it, I don't know why I'm like this. I started doing this because I needed something to be wrong, something that they can see and know how bad I need help. It's all just building and building and I don't have the courage to really cause any harm. I'm so afraid of pain, but i'm in so much pain.It's just all in my head, it's not real, none of it is real, there's nothing wrong, I'm just weak and lazy and I can't deal with my life anymore