In the past, I've seen a number of different therapists, none of whom had a doctorate or specialized in PTSD. It was one disaster after another. Our state is notorious for having terrible mental health service. I assumed the problem was them and that you get what you paid for. Now I have good insurance and finally found a 'doctor of psychology' who specializes in PTSD. Yay for me!. Not quite so. I'm no further along with her than I ever was with anyone else. Maybe it's me.

Is it me? Am I so jaded from past experiences that I don't give anyone a proper chance? This woman is very kind, warm, responsive and makes herself available like no other. But is this too accommodating? I've cancelled so many appointments that it has come down to us talking on the phone once a week for an hour. Is that normal? Many times when we're on the phone I feel like we're just two friends shooting the breeze.

She's very caring, but I'm questioning her 30 years of experience in her 'specialty' because I'm still stuck in the same place I was three months ago. I know a lot about her, by what she's told me, and I'm not happy about that. When she tells me about things in her life or relates to what I'm saying by sharing her own experiences, is that a warning sign for me or is that some special technique she's using to get me to open up and trust her?

Phone therapy once a week doesn't seem to be effective, especially when she clearly doesn't have my file with her. I can tell because she doesn't remember things I told her last week. Every time she calls she opens the conversation by asking me a question that was answered in previous weeks and it makes me feel uncomfortable. She makes suggestions that we've already gone over and agreed wouldn't work. We talk about music and traveling and everything else. I guess the more I write this post it's becoming clear that this might not be a good match.

Why is it okay for me to keep cancelling appointments? Sometimes I wish she would put her foot down, but she doesn't. That's how we ended up on the phone once a week. The only thing different with her is that she added a new diagnosis in addition to the PTSD, which I've never been diagnosed with before. My meds haven't been changed at all, even though I'm such a mess and she is so concerned about me. I've lost over 25 pounds in a couple of months (now 114) and she was so concerned about that when she actually did see me in person, but I'm still 114 pounds. Tonight on the phone she asked me if I ate and I said no. That was all. Next subject. She always says the same thing over and over. When are the words supposed to turn into action? I've been hearing 'we've got to do something with your meds' for three months! Why doesn't she take charge and call my med doc and DO something?

It's so frustrating because I can tell she's a caring person and we have nice conversations but if anything I'm more confused now than before I met her.

Is it just me not trusting anyone or should I think about moving on?