I know exactly what you mean, man... really I am being encouraging from a hypocritical standpoint because I smoke a pack a day, drink every night and am also fond of benzos and opiates. I don't come across pills often because I keep to myself, but I would probably abuse them frequently if I had access. I don't have the motivation to stop either so I am just slowly killing myself really... if you're going to accept drug addiction you are going to have to accept that you are killing yourself.

I don't know how old you are or how much of an addiction history you have, but really it's best not to keep going down that road if you can. I used to take smaller doses while drinking when I used to abuse xanax, which is probably worse than taking high doses from a danger-of-death standpoint (mixing downers is very dangerous as we all know). Benzos can also be dangerous because you are out of it and make stupid decisions because they take away all inhibition (driving when your shouldn't, making generally stupid choices that can be dangerous, ****ing up your life because you act a fool to people you care about).

Even though I don't really take pills any more (since I don't have any) like you said I just substituted and I smoke a lot of cigarettes and drink like 6-7 beers every night and take a pill here and there when I can get my hands on it. Hopefully you are younger, but I have been doing this for 10+ years now and it just gets worse over time and ****s with your head even more since you become more and more used to that being the norm and become even less able to deal with the stresses of reality because you have been trying to escape from it for so long. Choosing to face life and its challenges is much better in the long-run (obviously)...

And if you insist on an escapist lifestyle of avoiding real life then try to get one of those not-deadly escapist addictions like video games, movies, internet, exercise-obsession, etc.

You can do whatever obviously but just be ready to face the fact that you are just digging a deeper hole for yourself and ****ing up your body and brain/mind in the meantime. You can keep doing it but it will just get worse. I won't tell you what to do because I don't take the advice I am trying to give, but things will just get worse and more hopeless the longer you keep it up.

Anyways, sorry to get preachy. If you're going to do it then just be ready to lay down in the hole that you are digging.