Hi,

My obsessing over all this seems to have my anxiety in over drive. I just want to give you an update and would really appreciate any feedback you have. My wife has been very affectionate and we have very passionate sex. She also tells me she me and hugs me and does everything she used to do before the mania episode happened and she discovered that I almost had an indiscretion. However, this morning we were talking and she told me that when she found out she was thinking about just taking the kids and leaving. Then she said that she stopped and thought about and decided to stay primarily for the kids. Now, one thing I am guilty of is that for the past few years, I have become lazy and complacent about showing affection. I just got too comfortable and I took it for granted that she knew I loved her. I realize that never should have done that. Also because of my sleep apnea, which I know is not a valid excuse, I was tired all the time and we did not make love very often.
However, I do love her very much. All this was my mistake and I take full responsibility. She then said that she was giving me a year to change my behaviour and take actions to show my affection and love. Now, I realize after all this, I should not expect our relationship to be all rosey and in great shape. I am also not saying that I don't deserve to feel anxious and insecure about our relationship. However, I am just wondering if she is indeed just staying with me for the kids? Would she be able to put on an act and be affectionate and say she loves me just for the sake of the kids? Would she be able to decide to stay with me if she felt no more love and affection towards me? If I change my behaviour and take action and show her a lot of affection and show her how much I love her is it realistic to think that she will forgive me and that her love towards me could grow again? Is she just angry and hurt right now, and just expressing how hurt she is and is going through the steps required to heal and forgive? Or is my relationship doomed?

Perhaps it is my anxiety, insecurity and depression that is making me think that it is much worse than it really is, but right now, I can't stop obsessing over it because I keep thinking that I have completely screwed up our marriage beyond repair. I keep thinking that she will not be able to forgive, that she no longer loves me will not be able to truly love me again, and that one day she will just decide that she no longer wants to be with me. I really screwed up, but I love her beyond words.

Is her actions a positive sign that she still loves me and wants to fix our relationship? Is it likely that if I do what I need to do, that I can gorw her love for me before the year is over?

Can you speculate and give me your opinion on what you think her intentions and feelings are by her actions and behaviour right now?

I would really appreciate any feedback on my questions and concerns.

Thanks so much!