At its worst, depression had me actually reaching my hand up to the sky asking for God to snatch me out of existence...

"I actually wonder if I should be diagnosed with something more than major depression/clinical depression (or whatever it's called)."

I wondered that same thing, but realized that depression in and of itself is a terrible affliction. I would not wish it on anyone. I have referenced this once before, but I read an interview of a depressed person who was once also horribly burned by boiling water. When asked which he would rather suffer again - a burn or a depressive episode - he responded that he would rather be burned 1000 times over than to have to endure just one depressive episode...

This illness is terrible. What tends to keep me going are the supportive replies, like those that I read above in response to this thread of your's. Please keep fighting the good fight.