(PLEASE SEE BELOW FIRST MESSAGE FOR UPDATE)

BACKGROUND INFO:
"Sorry about the long message!

Well, here's my story:
I am 43 years old, I was diagnosed with Bipolar about 5-6 years ago.
I have been married for 14 years and with the same woman for 23.

Before we were married, when my wife and I moved in together, I had my first extremely manic episode. I had several depressions, but not many manic periods. I have had several depressions since that time also, and my wife has always been by my side. During that first manic episode what I did was horrible and totally out of character me: I had sex with a prostitute. After the mania, I could not understand why I did this and was totally confused. I was so ashamed that I never talked about it ever, with anyone. Well, we married in 2000. Things were going well, and I love my wife very much, and aside from this one episode before we got married, I had always been faithful.
In 2007, we had our first son. So advancing to 2009, I had a fallen into depression, and the guilt was too much, so I told her. I believe she suspected something was wrong anyhow. It goes without saying that I came very close to losing her. I had just been diagnosed with Bipolar around that time also. She ended up forgiving me and 3 years later we had our 2nd son. Again, I had been faithful to her all this time and never had the urge to do it again.
At the time I was diagnosed with the bipolar, I was put on medication and never had a manic episode or depression from that time 2009 until now.
A few years ago, I was also diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and I had tried everything to help stop it, and nothing worked.
about a month ago, we went on vacation to a resort and I drank, not heavily, but about 4 drinks per day, this went on for 2 weeks. I thought that maybe the medication had something to do with my sleep apnea, because the apnea started around the same time as I started taking the medication. When we arrived back home, in my brilliant wisdom, I decided to reduce my medication.
Well, that is when I went through another manic episode and surfed the internet for prostitutes and emailed the numbers to my office computer. My wife, found out and she was again obviously extremely hurt and she said it was over. And to tell you the truth I thought it was too. Well, I explained too her, that I had reduced my medication and that perhaps along with the alcohol, It had triggered another manic episode. Well I immedietly started to get anxious and I fell into a dark depression. I apologized several times, sent her several emails explaining how genuinely remorseful I am, how much I love her, and that it was not the "real me" who did that, I was not myself. I also explained and I truly believe that I would have come to my senses and deleted those phone numbers by the time I would have had the opportunity to act on it, which would have been several days if not weeks later.
Fast forward about a week and she started hugging me, She tells me often that she loves me, and we have made love several times. She has told me that she is indeed hurt, but in the process of forgiving me and says that is willing to give me one more chance. She even has said a few times that my episode must have happened because of the mix of alcohol in my system and the reduction of the medication. We have, since then (her included) been more affectionate than ever and she is even making plans for a road trip together this summer.

Here is my concern: I am wondering if her actions are truly genuine and that she has really decided to forgive me, give me another chance and move forward with our relationship. Keep in mind this is the second (2) serious incident. My anxiety and depression is through the roof and all I keep obsessing over, is that this is a mask and that she is going to change her mind in the future and want to separate. This terrifies me to no end because I love her with all my heart we do everything together and she and my family mean the world to me.

Now I don’t say that I don’t deserve to feel so anxious and insecure, I really screwed up. Heck, right now I feel so guilty and ashamed for hurting her again, that I feel like I don’t deserve to be loved or happy again. And I don’t feel like I will ever be happy again or get rid of this anxiety and severe depression. Do you think that I am making a bigger thing out of this than it is?
It's just that it took less than a week for her to attitude and behaviour towards me to change back to being affectionate, and decide to give me a chance. Is this behaviour something I should be worried about, or is this really a good sign that she really does love me? Do you think my obsessing and insecurity are just a symptom of my anxiety and depression? Is my insecurity and doubt of her actions and words a symptom of my self-hate, doubt, guilt and shame?

Is it possible and highly likely that she is completely genuine in her actions and response. And that if I don’t do anything stupid again, that with time and proof of my action I could regain her trust and we could enjoy a happy life together? Can a woman really fake those actions and that kind of sentiment? Or is this my mind playing games on me? Can I feel a bit better that I have not lost her for good?

PLEASE NOTE: I am very interested and appreciative of feedback from anyone, but also especially women, as I would imagine they would have a more insight as to what my wife is thinking right now.

Thank you so much for reading,"

UPDATE:Hi,

My obsessing over all this seems to have my anxiety in over drive. I just want to give you an update and would really appreciate any feedback you have. My wife has been very affectionate and we have very passionate sex. She also tells me she loves me and hugs me and does everything she used to do before the manic episode happened and she discovered that I almost had an indiscretion. However, this morning we were talking and she told me that when she found out she was thinking about just taking the kids and leaving. Then she said that she stopped and thought about and decided to stay primarily for the kids. Now, one thing I am guilty of is that for the past few years, I have become lazy and complacent about showing affection. I just got too comfortable and I took it for granted that she knew I loved her. I realize that never should have done that. Also because of my sleep apnea, which I know is not a valid excuse, I was tired all the time and we did not make love very often.
However, I do love her very much. All this was my mistake and I take full responsibility. She then said that she was giving me a year to change my behaviour and take actions to show my affection and love. Now, I realize after all this, I should not expect our relationship to be all rosey and in great shape. I am also not saying that I don't deserve to feel anxious and insecure about our relationship. However, I am just wondering if she is indeed just staying with me for the kids? Would she be able to put on an act and be affectionate and say she loves me just for the sake of the kids? Would she be able to decide to stay with me if she felt no more love and affection towards me? If I change my behaviour and take action and show her a lot of affection and show her how much I love her is it realistic to think that she will forgive me and that her love towards me could grow again? Is she just angry and hurt right now, and just expressing how hurt she is and is going through the steps required to heal and forgive, or is my relationship doomed? Is it possible that she is more hurt and about the lack of demonstration of affection than the manic indiscretions?

Perhaps it is my anxiety, insecurity and depression that is making me think that it is much worse than it really is, but right now, I can't stop obsessing over it because I keep thinking that I have completely screwed up our marriage beyond repair. I keep thinking that she will not be able to forgive, that she no longer loves me will not be able to truly love me again, and that one day she will just decide that she no longer wants to be with me. I really screwed up, but I love her beyond words.

Is her actions a positive sign that she still loves me and wants to fix our relationship? Is it likely that if I do what I need to do, that I can grow her love for me before the year is over?
I know I can't undo what has already been done, but is it possible to repair the mistakes and hurt I have caused in the past?
Is it possible to make her happier than she ever was?

Can you speculate and give me your opinion on what you think her intentions and feelings are by her actions and behaviour right now?

I would really appreciate any feedback on my questions and concerns.

Thanks so much!