Thank you to everyone who weighed in.

I was able to have a early therapy session to address this issue.

The therapist said she was so happy that I got angry at being yelled at. She recommended that I read, "The dance of anger."

Apparently, it means my self worth is up to snuff because I got angry about being mistreated. (Funny!) So, getting angry at family members who mistreat you is progress.

The T said that this family member wants to get his way and wants me to fit into his box, and when I refused and insisted on being myself, the family member resorted to yelling and name calling. She said that he can still be a part of my life, but he needs to behave and I can't let him take over or invade my life.

At one point, she said, "You've created a bubble around you and your family, so you can be healthy and protect (your spouse and children). And other people can't come into that bubble unless they behave."

I said, "What makes us so special?"

And she said, "All families are that special. Every family defines how they want to be."

Then I asked if there was something wrong with me because I'm so estranged from so many people at this point. (I'm a former foster care kid, so I have blood family and foster family all over the place. Most of them were dysfunctional. Some were abusive to me and still are.)

After a while, I said, it feels like I am the problem since I can't get along with so many people from my childhood.

But the therapist pointed out all of the functional relationships that I have today and pointed out that I've just been in a lot of dysfunctional relationships.

She said that other people can't make the rules for me. And I can't make the rules for them.

And we talked about how family members can be manipulative in how they communicate.

Finally, I did ask her this, "Please don't go easy on me. If I deserved to be yelled at our accused, I need to know. I just don't know how to act differently."

But she said I was respecting this other family member's limits and he was not respecting my limits.

Therapy is so hard! Sometimes, life is so hard!

I am realizing that because I have achieved a modicum of stability in my life, that fact is threatening to a lot of people from my childhood, who are still caught in dysfunctional, depressing patterns, suffer from substance abuse, or are insecure about how their own lives are turning out.

I do think that being screamed at, while in a captive situation where I couldn't just walk away (late at night, in a car, in the middle of nowhere), triggered a PTSD response in me.

Sometimes, I really wish I came from a stable family! I hate how being healthy means putting people whom I want to love at a far arms length, because they don't know how to be functional!