....................."but what are the defences for?

protection.

what will happen?

might fall apart :-(".............................

And if you do, your t will be there to help you pick yourself back up, It's the vulnerable side, the side that has no explanation yet needs to be 'outed' in order to grow. Compensating where the parentals left you void is so repeated throughout our relationships.....we do it everyday. YOU are seeing this alex. you are seeing this. this is so much more than they did for you.

And, nobody validated you, you looked around, you yearned for help/love/comfort/protection.....and you were left to fend for yourself. You won't let that happen again, I get that and so does your t. He may need to disspel some validation upon you......which, yes, requires a bit of transferense and yes, is very scary. Don't fight it, just try to accept. You are worth the validation and you are worth getting to know and subsequently, love.

You'll get through his absence, and then it will probably go up, up and up from there.....