I have pretty much failed this term of university. I have a very hard time getting started on tasks. My house is a mess, I never get anything done - even my slacking off isn't focused, I bounce from activity to activity, usually browsing the internet along with whatever I'm doing. I start projects and never finish them - this can be a bipolar symptom, which I have, but it happens when I'm doing fine, too. It's like once the newness has worn off, I'm no longer interested.

But when I AM interested, I hyperfocus, at least for a little while, until it wears off again. I was working on 4 songs at once (I write music) until that hyperfocus ended and none of the songs are done. I'm constantly restless and bored.

I am bad at conversations - I'm a master of the smile and nod. I tune people out, not to be rude, I just do it automatically. It's hard to follow conversation - not because I'm not interested, not because I don't like people, just because other things catch my attention. Noise, other people in the room, my own thoughts. When I'm interested, I'll converse forever. When I'm interested, I'll talk TOO much.

I am quite sure my bipolar diagnosis is accurate, but I've also been diagnosed with Asperger's and pretty much every medical professional since then doesn't believe the diagnosis. I don't even believe the diagnosis, the doctor talked to me for an hour and diagnosed me from that. But I'm the one who asked my psychiatrist to refer me to this professional, so I'm too embarrassed to tell my psychiatrist I don't believe the professional's diagnosis.

Last year, an occupational therapist I was seeing brought up ADHD. She thought I fit many of the signs. She recommended to my psychiatric team that I get tested for it, but my psych nurse never scheduled me for testing, because her reason was "You can't have Asperger's and ADHD." I know this is not true, but I'm not able to fight them on this.

The more personal experiences with adult ADHD that I read, the more I identify with it. Every year of school when I was little, the teachers would be annoyed with my inability to stay on task. Every report card came home with the remark that "TheatreKid is unable to stay on task." But this was the 80's and I wasn't extremely hyperactive, so I guess ADHD never came to mind. They tested my IQ and put me in gifted classes, so I guess they chalked any oddness up to that.

I believe the social difficulties and hyperfocus and the fidgeting I exhibit that may have been indicative of ASD to that one professional, are really ADHD symptoms. Especially the social difficulties. I can be very socially competent, it's the actual organizational aspects of making friends that fails me. I guess they mimic ASD social difficulties in certain situations like that doctor's office, but every doctor has said I'm too socially competent for an ASD diagnosis. I'm going to read more, and if I get the courage I'll tell my psychiatric team that I think the Asperger's diagnosis is a mistake and I'd like to be tested for ADHD.

But really, there's nothing I'd gain other than maybe some self acceptance. I already get accommodations at school due to bipolar. I can't take stimulant medication because of bipolar. I have access to an OT through my psychiatric team to help me with executive functioning, if I can figure out clearly enough what I need help with.

So this is long. Any comments/suggestions?