Quote:
Originally Posted by HazelGirl
For those who have a "secure" attachment to your SO/partner, how did you get that? Was it just slowly formed over time? Did you have to deal with being either preoccupied or dismissive for a while before you developed the secure attachment? Did the commitment in the relationship help (marriage or exclusive long-term commitment)? For those who also had an insecure (fearful, preoccupied, or dismissive) attachment to your best friend, what's the difference between your SO/partner and your best friend? Why are you securely attached to one and insecurely attached to the other?
|
When I took the test, my attachment toward my H was on the dismissive side, but toward the middle. My attachment to my H just slowly formed over time. It started out as very dismissive/avoidant and moved to preoccupied. Once I let myself love him, I was really afraid he would leave. When I thought he didn't love me, it swung back to dismissive. Now that we are getting back on track, it is moving more toward the 'secure' section of the graph.
This test indicated I was securely attached to my best friend. I do not have fears she will leave me or judge me harshly. I think the big difference is that she has shown she does have my back in a way almost no one else has ever done. Certainly my H has demonstrated that he does NOT have my back and probably never will. I think that will always cause me to be slightly dismissive in the relationship with him.