Quote:
Originally Posted by trying2survive
guys...(or gals, i don't want ot sound like an idiot here)
first of all, let me say this..there are a lot of a**holes in this world, seriously
there are. the big cities of this earth are full of them. if you run across them
(which invariably you will, they land on me a lot) you have to let it roll off your back.
secondly i will tell you a little secret about people that most don't know.
most people are superficial and shallow and first impressions are everything.
whenever i go out in public i make certain i look my very best, i ALWAYS, ALWAYS dress nice, the nicer you can afford the better FIRST IMPRESSIONS REALLY ARE EVERYTHING. last night i went out to a bar and had people buying me shots, one guy thought i was a lawyer or something, i get that question all the time, i go to places like wal mart and whatnot and people open doors for me, do they have to..of course not..but they do, i love it & it does wonders for my self esteem (hee hee, or ego if you wil! LOL!)
why do you think pretty girls get so much attention?? most pretty girls i know are a**holes ( not all, most) but most often they don't have too much trouble getting a date.It doesn't hurt that i am quite handsome ( all of my ex girlfriends say i stay in the mirror too much also, hee hee) but you do have to make yourself as attractive as possible whether you have natural beauty or not. i don't know how either of you guys dress but appearance is very important as to why whether people want to be around you, hang out with you or be your friend( yes i know it's stupid really..it shouldn't matter but it does, quite a bit actually) nobody want to be the one to befriend "a slob" or a "bum" this is how people think. sure they will be nice in a group setting, but one on one forget it, they may even exchange numbers to "be nice" are they really going to take the time to get to know you or hang out with you...probably not
third, assuming the above is not an issue, i would say there could be something you guys are doing that is putting people off, i.e being obnoxious,
that is one thing people really get put off by, people that are blunt,rude
these things put people off. me personally i am a social butterfly and i get on quite well with people so i'm throwing out some tips because something is wrong here..this shouldn't happen with EVERY single person you know, in reality it isn't that difficult to make friends, i have hard time when they come over to get them to go home!
fourth people that come around and always ask for things( money,help,assistance) people will avoid you because of this, it is also important to be self sufficient, be able to buy your own food ,drinks etc.
i don't personally know each of you guys situations but something is amiss here.
i do hope this helps and good luck guys, keep trying! don't give up..making friends is like second nature to me, a lot of time i don't even think about it.
when i need some companionship i call em up, but i would prefer to be around gf personally though
|
I am all those things you say. Confident in social environments. Friendly. Easy to talk to. I wouldn't say I look smart and slick, but I have a certain hippie clique about me that people usually see as interesting. Not bad looking either and in pretty good shape. I generally fit in well when I go places. Bars and clubs are a bit awkward to go alone to however. Most people tend to stick to the people they came with in places like that, with those on the outskirts occasionally brushing against each other as they queue at the bar or whatever. Short conversation might ensue, but then people are right back to their friends.
All my experiences going to bars on my own have gone something like this. Buy a drink and sit at the bar. No one approaches me, but I swap a few words with people as they buy a drink. Later on in the night when people are drunk and loose their inhibitions a bit I might end up sat at a table with a bunch of people I don't know and one of them might talk to me. The rest of the night I'm stood about, not really enjoying the experience as people around me affirm their friendships with one another. No one wants to talk to the person they don't know, only the people they do.
I have tried going out and spotting other people who are alone and might welcome the attention, but it's few and far between because people just don't go out on there own much.
It is easy to make friends when you already have friends. It tends to snowball. You go out with friends, meet their friends, meet friends of friends of friends, etc. You start with a connection and people are welcoming and because they don't want to upset existing contacts by ignoring the people they are with. If you are with no one, no one has a reason to talk to you.
What strikes me as odd is that that as soon as people get friends they look down on people trying to get in on the action. It's clan mentality. Take the Rosas of the world. I try to foster a friendship with her and she is annoyed and harassed because I am just an acquaintance; all-be-it an acquaintance she gets along well with and has a positive experience with at every meeting. But all those friends she has already were once just like me, only becoming close friends because either they, or her, made the effort to do so. That kind of thinking is selfish and hypocritical, but it is the way almost all people are. It leaves me stuck unless I can find someone who is actually looking to make friends, which at my age (32) is rare because most people are already established.