I can understand your grief over this. It is hard to let go of a beloved therapist, especially when you know you want see them again. I would suggest grief counseling as a way to get help through this. It will get easier but it will take a while. You might want to start a unsent letter of the things you would like to tell her if you could and get some of the emotions out that way.

I lost a really good friend once because of one of my manic spells and crossed boundaries. He cut all contact with me. Left me reeling since I loved him dearly and felt he was my soulmate. It's still hurts sometimes but not as bad as it used to.

Good luck to you.