So, who are you really angry with here? You are directing it both at yourself and at your T, but it doesn't sound like you or she did anything to really warrant that anger. It's coming from somewhere though. It might help to figure out who you are really mad at. I'm guessing your judgmental mother since you tend to mix up your mother and your T a lot in your head. It's okay to be angry, but anger is most helpful when we direct it at the real offender.