This is how I started to live again. I felt exactly how you felt, I was plauged with PTSD , nightmares, body memories, triggers, 'daydreams' etc.. the whole works, I was confused and didn't know what to do. I was in an abusive relationship at 16 that lasted 11 months, he sexually assaulted and abused me, as well as mentally, verbally, physically, emotionally and mentally. After him I was sexually assaulted and or harrassed and threatened but 8 other guys after that all between the years of 1996-2001.

When I started to realize that this wasn't going away I told my psychiatrist, talking about it was the best thing to do, understanding it, learning how to cope with it, I had to stop being in denial about alot of things, I was stuck in the past and couldn't get out, he controlled me even though I haven't seen him in years, or talked to him, and the other 8 as well. Sometimes like this does not go away, it follows you wherever you go, sometimes PTSD suffers don't get symptoms or memories until years later... but it always does come back... I was already seeing a psychiatrist for GAD and Depression, I Was diagnosed with PTSD and was shocked, I thought that what happened to me wasn't as bad as most people. But it affected me non the less. I lived with the fear, guilt and shame, always blaming myself. What the turned point for me was that I had to change the way I was thinking, I was a victim, but I turned that around and instead of be stuck in the past living it everyday I learned to Regret that it happened. That was literally my turning point and that happened about 3 or 4 months ago now. Regret that it happened you are able to let it go, literally. That was the best thing I could have done.

Therapy helps and is the best thing to do when you have been abused, talking about it helps a great deal. Even if you start to remember certain things, or get flashbacks it is a part of healing... It's scary, I was terrified, I would be triggered at least once everyday, but it's part of the healing process. I also bought some self-help books on trauma and PTSD and that helped.

I wouldn't get flashbacks like seeing a movie, but in body memories and that was the most confusing I didn't understand it. But the more I talked, the more I wrote down triggers and brought them into every session it got easier.

Like I said when I learned to REGRET that it happened instead of putting blame on myself that it was my fault that all that stuff happened to me it literally freed me.

I have been PTSD free for about 2 months now ... Still seeing my psychiatrist, the same one after 8 years... I still get triggered but it doesn't scare me anymore. I know I'm safe and for me I guess it's a bit different because I never had kids with any of my Perps, still don't i'm 24 now and in 2001 was the last time anyone hurt me. I met my now BF of 3 years and know that I'm in a better place and that there is a life after what happened to me. Now I live a wonderful life.

I probably will always live with the fact that all that stuff happened to me, still get triggers but I deal with them as they come.

That's how I got help for my abuse issues and assault issues. Getting help from a professional is the best bet, you cannot go wrong with that. And the sooner that you talk to someone the easier it will get.

There is hope out there for anyone and everyone, look at me now. I'm free!

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<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>