I had been suicidal again the last few days. I left the house early yesterday to determine whether I should implement my plan. After my wife realized I had left and actually started to do what I had said the day before that I felt like doing, she tried desperately to reach me. I finally heard her two distraught voice mails but by that point, I had decided to abandon the plan.

I did speak with her. I strongly felt her caring and concern. And the whole episode spurred me to take a bay step toward a new career as my current job is a major and constant source of my angst and depression.

But I returned to form today after another dreary day at the dead-end job and basically ignored the positive, close feelings that had just been strengthened with my wife. I expressed a lot of negatively, in the end really upsetting her, which I don't want to do after all she has been through and how she has been there for me.

This is one example of the roller coaster I have been on for so long. I don't know if I can get off of it since I have such strong feelings, and a lot of flooding, pulling me in different directions one after the other.

Is there a way to get off?