Thank you everyone.....

I agree Bluredgrey that my sister and I need to get help together.. We will I hope...

For many years I felt so much anger towards my mum, especially before my diagnosis... It was a long and difficult journey because the shame was so great that she couldn't accept things..... But as I become more unwell my mum began to see...
The first time she accepted her responsibility in what happen was so life changing....
Just to know that she really understood.... Really believed...we have had our ups and downs but we have found a way to heal together...
Mum is a completely different Mum...a better one.....One that would do anything to never let anyone hurt me again... And it's not just all words, she has shown me this with some many amazing actions........

I too spent my first 28 years as a people pleaser.... Pre- Motherhood...
I think it was the approval I needed... Like I needed to know I was a good girl.... The inner child controlling the adult. Scared of being judged as not worthy or bad. My T helped me see it through eyes of that scared child, I was terrified if I wasn't good I would be punished again.... My inner child is in fear for her life still.

I still fight that feeling everyday.... Feeling badly judged by others makes me want to run away or scream or cry. but I'm slowly learning.

I am trying to become a kind and caring adult to my inner child...If that makes sense..
I mean, I am trying to have compassion for the part of my mind still trap back there....
To be the good parent, the Type of parent we all deserve... I try not to attack the inner child, show her compassion when she tells me I'm no good and everyone hates me. I hope this makes sense... but it is slowly working for me...

Thankyou for your insightful and comforting words