Quote:
Originally Posted by Depletion
You know I think that there is one kind of attachment that is better than the others. I don't think this is like personality types were there is just a wide array of kinds.
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I certainly respect that. I'm not saying that you are wrong, just that my reality is not identical to yours.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Depletion
I know that for me my non-secure attachments happened for good reasons. Like I have a fearful attachment with my mother because she abandon me, so I can't trust her as all now. And I think that my attachment with my dad is dismissive because he is emotionally unavailable, and was largely non-supportive after my SA. Having these bad attachments happens makes me worried about other attachments, and fearful of getting hurt in similar ways by other people, so my global attachment style is preoccupied, because I'm constantly worried that other people wont be there for me, or they don't truly want me. None of this is good. But I also don't think that its a judgement on me. You might have the attachment style you have because of something that happened to you. This doesn't make you a good or bad person, its more just like information about your past, and a behavior that you developed because of your past. You might try thinking about why you answered the questions on the test the way you did. Was there something in your past that made you unable to trust others? Did something happen when you tried to share something important with a friend or a parent?
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I did not read the "confiding in others" questions as having to do with trust, necessarily. Certainly a lack of trust is one reason why people don't open up to others. But the questions were phrased in terms of "I usually discuss my concerns with this person" or "it helps to turn to this person in times of need", and there are all kinds of reasons why one doesn't turn to one's parents or one's partner in times of need, or why one doesn't want to discuss concerns with them.
My communication style with my H and my friends is one of the recurring topics in therapy for me, so I have spent many hours asking myself these questions. I know that my attachment styles are partly due to my personal history, but that still doesn't mean that there is necessarily anything wrong with them.
But I definitely don't claim that my subjective truth is valid for anybody else.