I understand completely what you are saying here, and I have experienced the same feelings and identical concerns. In my opinion, the answer really depends on where your relationship with your husband stands. Do you want to work things out with your husband, romantically and otherwise? Or, are you with him for practical reasons (financial, kids, etc..)? If you want a romantic relationship with your husband, if you want your relationship to work, then I think it's very likely your feelings for your T could bring any improvement in your marriage to a halt. I know many people think transference should be worked through with the T, but I believe there are situations sometimes when it just can't be. He may be exhibiting qualities you find attractive that remind you of your dad, and that is a lovely thing. But if those same quailties encourage real attraction for him, then recognizing where they are coming from is not going to make them disappear. If anything, they could make your T even more attractive and perhaps your husband suddenly appear less so...

You've already articulated a veru good point: this can happen a lot IRL situations, like at work. But in that scenario we do what we can to distance ourselves from the temptation. But therapy doesn't let that happen and really can encourage it. So, it's possible a frank discussion with your T could help, if you feel comfortable with it. You never know how the T will respond - it really depends on the t and their training. I've read many posts about this and some of the responses from therapists are pretty surprising. Like Amy said, not all Ts (in fact I think a lot) are not well equipped on how to handle erotic transference. Some are flattered and may enjoy or encourage it, while others might be dismissive and avoid the conversation.

In my own situation, it was initially very painful and I think was messing me up. I considered terminating a couple of years ago, but when I began dating someone I seemed to gain control. That ended and my feelings heated up again but I was able to see it from a more objective perspective- I wanted attention from a guy basically. I saw my pdoc initially becuase my husband moved out to be with another woman. Before he left my H was borderline emotionally abusive- spent no time with me and our 3 small kids, went out every weekend but when I wanted to join him just laughed and said no. the kids would ask me why Daddy hated me and why he didn't want to spend time with them. This treatmen went on for about 2 years, so not too long. Still, I was so passive and depressed (a lifelong affliction along with social anxiety) that it was almost unbearable. Once he was gone, of course things with the otehr woman didn't work out and he wanted back. My pdoc helped me so much in gaining confidence to say "No". But financially it was a necessity, so eventually we went to counselling and he moved back. He has tried hard to be a better husband and father, but still, the romance is nonexistant. Otherwise we've grown and the relationship is much better otherwise (more like friendship than marriage). Still it is hard for me to tell if my romantic feelings didn't return becuase of my feelings for my pdoc or because my feelings for my H simply changed due to his being such a jerk. Given the situation, I think many women in the same boat would be less than enthusiastic...

In your case, if the desire for your husband was normal but began dwindling once you started falling for your therapist, then I think you could think about leaving. Especially if you don't think you could handle the discussion. If you can't talk about it with him I don't know how you'll resolve your feelings, since I double they will just go away.