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he had told me he was over it, and he "forgave me". things were going good. we had moved out of our old place , and tried to start fresh. Maybe he has been bottling up old emotions, of what I had don to him. All I know Is that I love him a lot. and leaving this relationship would be extremely difficult. I have no job, own hardly anything in this apartment, would not be able to afford to pay rent here. I don't know many people in this city. I still don't even know how to get around here. I'm terrified of being alone, and I do love him. But maybe I'm stupid for thinking things will actually change. Everytime I think about what he did I get extremely angry. Last night I couldn't even tolerate how hurt I was, and I almost ended up sleeping on the couch. Yes maybe threesomes are normal in relationships. but I made it perfectly clear to him that I wasn't interested. It almost feels like he's trying to hurt me (more so when he's drunk) I'm probably just hurting myself by being involved with him. I do feel like **** about myself daily, and having someone who doesn't know how to love me, and be emotionally supportive hurts like hell. I don't know what to do.

It would be nice to be able to go out and have fun without this constantly happening. but I'm pretty sure that's just a dream that will never happen.