I am sorry you have to live with memories of this emotional and psychological abuse. I understand because I was abused and rejected by my father and step father but at least I got away from these men. I understand the damage it can do.

I commend you on your desire to be a good person. While abusive people are acting out some trauma on us as children, it does not lessen the effects.

You will have to work at building your sense of worth. I just believe I am good and worthy of existence (2 suicide attempts). I developed a list of values and I look at them every day. I write self affirming sentence like ten or 15 times every so often. I look for ways to brighten other people's lives. I am still plagued with the inability to connect with other people and sometimes I feel hollow inside. I don't do therapy because I can't identify feelings very well. I have to really pay attention to my interactions with my daughter and encourage her to express her emotions.

Try some of these things, try finding an affirmation (google them) and write it out several times a day - put a little note in your mirror. It takes time (months) but you will rewire your thinking.

Tell your brother that you love him but he is not allowed to hurt you anymore and let him go.

Build up the memories of you and your father and minimize the memories of your mom.

I am sorry but some people are just mean, broken and can only hurt other people - my fathers, your mother - they are these unfortunate people. I mourn for them but I keep myself safe.

You do the same. You obviously try to bring light into the world of others...keep it up.