Quote:
Originally Posted by misfit77
I find it takes me forever to get over someone. It feels like I am fighting with my rationale mind and my heart. I accept that the relationship is over, but it doesn't mean I don't obsess about it. With BPD the one criteria is the "frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment". I don't know that I make "frantic efforts" I just don't get over the hurt. I try to rationalize it, I try to forgive, but deep down I am really friggin' angry and that is definitely not indifference. It is hate...red hot hate.
Now I am want to learn how to get over it.
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My feelings exactly. As far as friendships, if I feel I'm at fault I always apologize (just learning not to apologize for every freakin' thing) but if I've done nothing wrong, I refuse to say I'm sorry, and often I'll just cut them out of my life. Strong, yes, but I guess finding out I'm BPD has given me the freedom to realize I kept getting kicked in the past for no reason--and also kept picking people to get to know unwisely.
As far as bf....well broke up last year (my choice) and still miss him even as I know (I KNOW) in my heart, I miss a person he never was, and that was a creation by both of us. It would be hard to let go if I WASN'T BPD, but because I am, it just hurts endlessly. I know I'll get over it. I can rationalize all of it, me...him...his own 'demons' that probably still plague him.....I can feel sorry for him, dismiss him, hate him.....but deep down I miss the hell out of him, and wish he missed me, even as I know he couldn't because he's simply not capable.
So I just take it day to day. Most days are ok. Today, tho, was hard, and for no reason. Just couldn't stop obsessing about him...remembering everything, good and bad.
It helps to know I'm not the only one dealing with this.