I really want to share what's going on. My minds a mess and my emotions are all over the place. But every time I try to type out the details, I go blank and the urge to cut gets worse. I can't even feel safe in an anonymous forum. This is so frustrating.

Is there a trick to feeling safe? Does anyone know how to evoke the warm fuzzies?

When I cut, I dissociate a bit so part of me desperately doesn't want to and the other part can't stop. It's like I'm simultaneously afraid of the pain and desperately craving it.

All I can think right now is "No don't do this to me" as I imagine the pain, the welling blood, the small frozen world containing nothing but the blade and my wrist. I'm so scared. I don't want this!