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Originally Posted by Asiablue
hmm, yeah i would say it affects me in how i feel about myself. It would bother me much more if my T was my age with a great education and successful life because it would make me feel like such a failure but that's probably one of the reasons i deliberately sought out an older T.
I did have one T who was pretty well off financially and i felt a bit.... i dunno, less than her or something. But that was my stuff, she didn't make me feel like that.
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This is why I sought out an older T, too.
My first T came from a family of a lot of privilege. The T even went to a private boarding school. I felt like this T didn't understand a lot of my financial concerns and worries.
I know it was my own jealousy and my own stuff. But, I couldn't get over how this therapist had never had to worry about money and how the therapist's parents paid for the entire education. I felt like the therapist didn't "get me." The therapist had an ivy league education, too.
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Originally Posted by Mike_J
I don't see my therapist as being above me or as a peer, she is a specialist with knowledge and skills that I need. Despite her education the only difference between how I view her professionally and how I view my plumber is I don't see my plumber on a regular basis.
And yes my therapist does intimidate me a bit, she seems so perfect and I feel like such a disaster.
My socioeconomic status comes into play with my ability to pay for therapy, but my therapist has worked with me on this.
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This is a good way to think about it -- as paying for a service like any other.
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Originally Posted by Petra5ed
No, I'm not intimidated by my therapist. I don't see him as "above me" but I do think he knows more than me, certainly about psychology, and is better adjusted. Also, don't see my T as being super rich... T's don't make a lot of money, unless they are seeing a lot of clients and or publishing stuff which is probably hard to do. In my mind I would guess he is solidly middle class, which basically means poor nowadays.
I think it's a good thing if you think your T knows more than you, actually it's kind of crucial for you to trust their advice and give any crap about what they say. But, I doubt my T remembers much from college at this point, since that was 40 years ago for him LOL  .
When I looked for a T I looked for more experience vs. more education. I would highly recommend your friend does the same. Experience is a better indicator of how good someone can be at their job. Psychology is not rocket science, so your friend shouldn't be intimidated. Education is just needed so there isn't some naïve person giving bad advice on account of they don't know what they're talking about. Personally, I think my counselor knows a lot more than most psychologists with drs degrees, but that's probably just the transference talking  . Oh, and mine wears jeans...
Hm, maybe your friend would do better with an older therapist? That way they see it as more of wisdom vs fancy pants education! |
Yes, I think this is wise to seek an older therapist, that way it's like talking to a trusted older person.
The problem is, my friend is near retirement age. So, he'd need a therapist in his 70s or 80s!
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Originally Posted by Ambra
I have a good degree, but I happen to live in a country that is greatly affected by the crisis and a very high rate of unemployment so I felt intimidated when I didn't have a job - even though we know 50% of the population is in the same situation. She always pointed out the above things and I could still feel comfortable with her.
I relate to your thinking: I feel "less" at times thinking that she's just a bit older than me and is wealthy (see post about free sessions, lol), married and has probably a great life full of love, people and travels. This is what I assume from what I see.
But now I take it wayyy better and have genuine admiration for my therapist, plus her attitude toward me makes me feel more like a peer and helps a lot.
I'm also aware that my sense of incompleteness and feeling less at times comes from my past of abuse and my feeling stuck in the certainty that I will never be able to have a healthy relationship and make my own loving family.
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It sounds like your therapist can be real with you, even though she is well traveled.
I hope you do get that relationship and family one day!! You deserve it!
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Originally Posted by Michanne
One thing I have learned over the past year is economic/education status is something we all feel shame about. Every one of us. The guy with the doctorate compares himself to his colleagues that went to "better" schools. The woman at Princeton is ashamed she didn't get a higher gpa or have better connections or didn't have the same family support that the guy who went to state school and lived at home. It isn't your status it is who you are comparing yourself to. They feel exactly the same as you. So if you are comparing yourself to your T, she is comparing herself to someone else. That means she can relate and understand. Hope that helps.
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I never thought of this before!
That is helpful, thank you!
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Originally Posted by nottrustin
I do kind of see T as a peer but that is because I work in the mental health field. I have a bachelors degree but have chosen to be a secretary on a psych unit as the schedule works well for me and my family. She has a secretary that she depends on heavily so she knows how crazy and important my job is. We often discuss our work and such.
She is single and has been for MANY years. I have been married for almost 20 years she frequently mentions how amazed she is because her marriage only lasted a couple of years
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Wow, your therapist looks up to you in some ways!
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Originally Posted by Lauliza
I could see how this potentially be an issue for some people. That's where the demeanor of the therapist would come into play. My providers office is located in one of the wealthiest towns in the state and is surrounded by other wealthy towns. So this is going to make a difference in the socioeconomic status of the staff and most of the clients.
I am not from the area and do not feel as though I am below my pdoc or T at all, and I don't feel they treat me that way. My psychiatrist is from the Ivy Leagues and looks very much like the clean cut frat type with every hair in place. and this might not appeal to a lot of people, like my husband. My husband works in the corportate world but was brought up in a very blue collar family and this did seem to make a difference in his perception of our one session together. My H said he knew he didn't like him the minute he saw him, which I thuoght was really odd at the time. Clearly his general demeanor/appearance was somehow intimidating, even though he wore khakis and a shirt like every other professional guy out there.
So while I don't think they look down on patients or clients, but it might effect how well they relate to them. And it might effect how less confident clients percieve them.
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I wonder if it's even harder for men because society judges them on their achievements even moreso than women.
It's almost like a woman who considers herself as unattractive walks in and sees her husband's therapist, and the woman is smoking hot.
The key is what you said, "how less confident clients perceive them." If you are confident in yourself and in your life choices, you won't get hung up on these issues. But then, I imagine a lot of us in therapy aren't 100% confident in those things!