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Originally Posted by Leah123
Education level has been a chip on my shoulder a long time. I was an excellent student but dropped out of high school due to family/mental health issues. I didn't earn my GED until I was in my 30s when I got it concurrently with my A.A.
However, my therapist has actually inspired me to complete my B.A., so I've taken something that made me uncomfortable and used it. She had a career change in her early 40s, and as a woman in my late 30s going for a degree and career change myself, it helps me feel..... a little less uncomfortable about it and appreciate that it's not too late for such a major change. She has her Master's too, and now I am ITCHING for one.... really want to find a way to earn it in the near future, but have to focus on the 12 months of my B.A. program I have left first and paying it off!
Socioeconomic status was a bit of a problem in therapy too. I paid for so many sessions, she thought I was upper middle class, but I'm definitely middle or lower middle, and so when I tried talking about the financial situation, it was... ugh, difficult, she didn't understand why I'd have to limit things after my initial period of overspending.
I was uncomfortable thinking she was used to a more elaborate lifestyle than me, hearing how much she'd traveled, and honestly... I felt better when I learned her car was like 20 years old and her house was worth not much more than mine.
I'd like to not care, but... I do. Money and status were issues and secrets for me growing up, so it's a process for me to feel comfortable with where I am financially and socially.
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Thank you for being so honest with this!
It's so great how you used your discomfort to get more education. I think that when we are envious, it tells us something.
I'm worried about my friend because, while it is not too late for him to get a degree, but I do think that the obstacles are too great, given his age (60s) and income level and need to support himself through labor.
My friend does physical labor and is experienced enough to move into a management role, but doesn't have enough education to do so.
Money and status are huge for the family I grew up with. The kids were taught that all rich people were crooks and not to be trusted. We were very insecure about what we couldn't afford.
Money complicates all relationships, even therapy, it feels like.
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Originally Posted by Parley
I have too many issues to worry about our differences. My therapist is beautiful and I am glad she is doing well. I wouldn't respect her as my therapist if we were in the same class. It helps me with the power dynamics (as odd as that sounds). I will never obtain a PhD but maybe I could finish a degree.
As far as intimidation... I never considered it before but this thread has me thinking and I believe on some level she does intimidate me. Not because of her education, income bracket, or her belongings. I am intimidated because I know I am a powerful woman internally. I see success in many woman but they are a mess. We come in all shapes and sizes. I can't see her mess and I hope I never do. I know she's human but I've put myself on hold long enough. I need stability as I falter and knowing she is has what I need is scary.
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This is a beautiful response. I think that especially if we need our therapists to be our rock, we need them to be in a better place than us in several ways!
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Originally Posted by jexa
Yeah. This makes a difference. I am actually a T in training myself -- from a low SES background -- hooray for scholarships and loans. My peers are (mostly) from high SES backgrounds, and I notice their straight-up lack of knowledge, understanding, and ability to relate to people from blue-collar backgrounds and such. But -- we are being trained to be more sensitive to these issues, to chill out a little bit, to talk to people at their level, to understand how our histories create different stimulus functions for others, to talk openly about this with clients.
I think some therapists are able to learn this, and some are not. Some people are just less aware of their own behavior and its impact on others, whereas some T's are naturally astute at mirroring others in a way that puts them at ease. Also, some therapists, like me, are from a similar background, and so would relate better, despite their personal achievement of a "fancy education."
So, I guess I would say, it's going to be all about fit for your friend. There will be the right therapist for him, and there will be the wrong one. Hope he finds the right one the first time around.
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Thank you for sharing this!!
My friend needs someone who comes from a blue collar background, definitely.
As I said in my reply to Asia, my last therapist and I were matched in terms of income right NOW, but my last therapist had it a lot easier growing up, having an Ivy league education and exclusive boarding school education, and parents who paid for everything.
Whereas, I grew up without a lot of money. This therapist did not get me, ultimately. The therapist thought of me as a peer and I didn't think of us as peers, I thought of myself as still struggling with no safety net.
I don't know if my therapist has been financially secure her entire life, but she is in her 70s and she has so much experience as a therapist that I just think she is comfortable with all types. We talk about class all the time, and my struggle to reconcile my "new world" of educated professionals with my upbringing and family members, who are more crude and sometimes more fun, but a lot more dysfunctional and a lot less self aware about their feelings.
My new therapist got me right away.
I said, "I feel like I was disillusioned, thinking my rich school peers and I were all in the same boat. But then when the recession hit, I was almost homeless and my peers just went home to live with their parents, or their parents paid their rent."
And my therapist said, "Your friends are in stable cruise liners and you're in a row boat, and you're dealing with some really big waves."
That was our third session. I was so relieved. She really got it.